This post is for the secondary parent that struggles with feeling stress, fear and anxiety when being left alone with their children. In many cases it is Dad, and for the purposes of this article, I will refer to Mom as the primary parent and Dad as the secondary yet acknowledge that in 2019 there are many different combinations of parenting.
My kids range from graduated to elementary school age and I have been supporting my daughter raising her child as a single Mom for almost two years now. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I have learned and I am excited to share it with you because I have seen far too many Dad’s in my 18 years of being a parent, check out because they don’t feel valued, equipped or capable of being a Dad.
Can you be a good Dad? This is the very question that Dale Carnage was asked over and over again about the topic of being a public speaker, and he answered them, I know you can.
What is the difference of being a Dad and a good Public Speaker, Businessman, or CEO? Comfort, experience, and mindset are a few that come to mind. What you have learned in business school you can learn about being a Dad, you can strengthen the things you are good at and seek support for the things you are not.
I made the mistake of acting as a Mom to my Grandaughter before realizing that I am not. I am her Granny and there are some big differences. A few differences were:
- Mom breastfed and created the primary attachment
- Mom took a year off school and was there every day and night and I worked
- Mom cuddled her, loved her and was there for every moment, I filled in for a bit
When I had my kids I was Mom and I was used to being able to pick them up, rock back and forth and comfort them. When I picked my granddaughter up, she wanted her Mom, not me, it took a lot of time, consistency and communication with her Mom for me to create a relationship where she wanted me and sometimes, she still only wants Mom.
Because I am Granny, that is ok. I have seen many Dad’s take this very thing personally and become defeated. They think that their child doesn’t love them, or that they are not good at being a Dad and what I have seen them do makes it worse.
Dad’s take a step back…….. instead of taking two forward. Each step they take back, increases their disconnection with their child. The connection is what they are seeking and disconnection is what they get.